stop eating crappy salads

Originally published Dec 17, 2014

Chances are high that you eat really bad salads or are one of those people that say 'salads suck they do not fill me up'. Despite the majority hating on salads, my Instagram salads pictures are easily one of the most commented pictures on my profile. A couple of requests sparked this post, so let's have some fun with the shocking truths below. Be warned, that this post will ruin you from 90% of the salads out there at restaurants. 

Your base is spinach. Toss out iceberg lettuce, grass has more nutritional value than that. Grab the biggest bowl you have in the closet, I'm expecting three times the size of your soup bowl at least. Fill that bowl (that could double as a helmet) with more than 60% full of spinach. 

Get some sweet peppers from the store. Yellow or orange only, no one eats Green peppers in their salad because green peppers suck. Take a whole pepper, not half, not a quarter..a whole pepper, slice that up and toss in your salad. 

Cucumbers are next, and these are eye-balled according to size. Too big then half other wise the entire cucumber. Do not be fancy about the prep here, just peel them because you are not a cow. Then cut length wise twice to make quarters. Then chop those up into smaller pieces. It takes me around 15 seconds to cut them up. 

Tomatoes are easily the most important aspect of the salad but also the most complicated aspect of your salad. Your tomatoes are probably terrible and taste like plastic because you leave them in your fridge. Stop reading and take them out of the fridge. Cut those tomatoes open, do you see white? Yeah those suck because you bought them at the grocery store and not a trusted farmer at a farmers market. Vine ripened tomatoes at Whole Foods, it doesn't matter...they suck. Grape tomatoes do really well for me. You'll also see those mixture of medley tomatoes. Take at least three handfuls of those tomatoes, wash them and cut them in half. For the yuppies out there reading this, take three vine ripened tomatoes and cut them in quarters. Dump them into your salad. 

Sit back and admire your salad with all the pretty colors. But don't take any pictures yet!

The secret to this salad is the dressing. Two parts olive oil with one part balsamic vinegar. Depending on how big your head is, your helmet bowl might be sorta large. So make enough dressing that there is at least some sitting in your bowl after you mix it. WAIT

You take your oil and vinegar and either place it in a real small tupperware container or a glass. Dump in some salt and pepper and mix that together thoroughly prior to adding to your salad. 

Sprinkle some goat cheese and start taking pictures. You can even get upscale by dumping sushi grade sashimi on top of it. 

Here is the shopping list:

  • Spinach
  • Orange or Yellow peppers
  • Tomatoes
  • Cucumber
  • Extra virgin olive oil
  • Balsamic vinegar
  • salt and pepper

Enjoy your lunch and after you get full, make sure to wake up your co-workers from their food coma who think they are eating healthy by eating soup in a bread bowl. 

To my Instagram friends, you know who you are...thanks for the push to write this post. 

@bitterac